Top Drawer

The Dress.

2008-05-01T20:39:00.003Z

Is one of the hardest things to choose for the final year Valedictory Ball (is that how you spell it? Anyway, it's the Vall Ball from now on). Well it is for me anyway. I like to think of myself as a bit of an individual so no LBD for me. I also have red hair and very pale skin, so no pink, orange, white, cream, gold or beige either. I'm also short. Quite short. So nothing long, not longer than a normal person's knee length anyway. On top of that, I'm quite small but with some pretty big boobs, so that rules out anything strapless without boning, anything that's supposed to be fitted, (it fits everywhere and the boobs are spilling out, or it fits the boobs and is hanging off everywhere else).

Also, as a bona fide kooky chick, I don't want anything boring or even similar to anyone else, so that rules out anything from Monsoon, Coast, River Island, Top Shop, Miss Selfridge and TK Maxx. And I'd also like it to top last year's outfit, a yellow mini dress with electric blue belt, shoes and makeup.

As you can see, it's been a struggle. I have however had my eye on one of these beauties. But, being a student, and after paying out £45 for a ticket, they were a little out of my price range.

Enter.... EBAY! I have just won this little lovely. I'm impressed! Now, I know it's from George at ASDA, and I know it's probably not going to be as perfect in the flesh as it is in my mind. But I'm thinking, get rid of that little sash thing, get a big fat (adjustable) belt, a huge underskirt and put my size fours in some kick ass shoes. I reckon I'll be good to go!

Lets just hope no one else has the same taste as me!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

2008-05-01T12:03:00.002Z

So I was absolutely desperate to see Happy-Go-Lucky at the Cornerhouse cinema last night and boy did it deliver. Sally Hawkins is utterly believeable in the stupidly happy role and she plays it completely without irony.

I was talking about this film in work on Tuesday night and I was saying "Well it's called Happy-Go-Lucky and the main character it totally optimistic about everything and tries to spread that love around. But you know, I'm sure something happens at the end where it falls spectacularly apart."

But it didn't, I was waiting for it. Bad things do happen to good people. And people can't be that happy all of the time. But Poppy can, and you believe it, and you love her. Even though everyone around her wants to protect her as they think she's secretly harbouring some massive depression. She's not. She's just like that.

I'm not sure that Mike Leigh, also director of Vera Drake, is trying to make any kind of profound statement about optimism, happiness or the intrinsic British trait of expecting everything to go wrong at any given moment. I think he was trying to make a lovely film, about a lovely character who handles her life in the most peculiar but spectacular way. She always knows what to say, but not in a smart arse way that makes you want to hate her. Occasionally the dialogue is a little cringeworthy and the extremely quick comebacks seem a little planned sometimes. But nothing can take away from the genuine niceness of this film.

Everyone needs a little bit of Poppy in their lives. And I'll defintely be buying th DVD to watch when I feel a dark cloud passing overhead.

Exams, to-do lists and wishing my life away...

2008-04-30T09:42:00.003Z

I've never been the type of person to wish my life away, if I'm unhappy about something then I'll try to change it, if I'm looking forward to something I'll count down the days but keep myself busy with everything else instead of wishing the days away.

Until now that is. I absolutely cannot wait to get my final exam out of the way and relax. This has been a difficult year at Uni, made more difficult with my complete inability to be pleased with any of the work I do or the marks I get. I am revising for one exam which is next week and I keep staring longingly at the calendar, my diary and to-do list wishing that it was next Wednesday and that I'd finished my degree. I never thought I'd say this, but I cannot wait to finish! I'm tempted to go straight to the bar after the exam, but stupidly, I signed myself up to work on Tuesday evening, so the Lambrini will have to wait until 8pm.

Also, I've started to really look forward to having a real job, applying for all the jobs I used to wish about are now in my reach with this degree under my belt. I'm not going to talk about them just yet, because there's one in particular that is so perfect, I'm even scared to apply! Need to get a demo of me on the radio made this week and that's all I'm saying just now! It will be all I can talk about once I've submitted that!

So, back to revision it is. What is reality? How do documentary makers attempt to represent it and how valid and effective is the blend of fact and fiction in Docudrama?

Fun times huh?

Oh, and what happened to CSI last night? The first in the new series, I was really excited, but there was nothing new, nothing different, yes I loved it and the puzzle was intriguing and the ending was a little exciting. But really, was it worth the wait? I don't think so. I could have easily found a back episode that I hadn't seen for a while and have been just as entertained. Oh well. I'm not going to stop watching though.

Is it so wrong?

2008-03-08T21:21:00.003Z

As you may have gathered from my last few posts, I am currently writing my dissertation. It's in the final stages now and I can see the end looming in sight. It's due on Tuesday afternoon and I'm in the process of making it sound as good as I possibly can now. I've written all the words and now I'm trying to sound sophisticated and argumentative. It's hard.

I don't trust anyone to be honest with me about my writing and most of my friends here have their own dissertations to worry about without having to read through mine. Is it wrong that I probably wouldn't trust anyone else with it either? I wouldn't trust anyone else to make a better job of it, even though I know my work isn't exactly perfect.

Well I better get back to it, I did start writing this to get my mind going, but now I'm in the flow and thinking, I'm going to focus my efforts on why the Americanisation theory doesn't work in Britain. (Argumentative enough?).

Just who do they think they are?

2008-03-07T10:49:00.004Z

White middle class men on daytime television I mean. Just who gave them the right to be so condesending and rascist and downright arrogant? I'm not talking about Phillip Schofield though, oh no, he's lovely, I'm talking about other types who aren't quite as sucessful or happy such as Jeremy Kyle and that bloke off 'The Wright Stuff'.

I have just watched a rascist, narrow minded tirade at white working class people, from a white s0-called middle class man, who thinks that because he's on the telly he has the god given right to talk over people, tell them they're inferior and completely disregard any opinion other than his own (including that of his fellow presenters) because he's the one with the 'power' to cut callers off if he doesn't want to hear them.

Who does he think he is, his argument was thin and based on his uninformed tiny little mind on a power trip. If he had a slight bit of intelligence, he would listen to his callers and get a bit of informed debate going on. But instead, he couldn't get past his own arrogance and proceeded to wind people up by shouting over then, and cutting them off when he'd said his piece.

What was interesting though, was his respect for the black people on the show. He branded everyone on his panel, as middle class because of thier jobs as journalists, writers or politicians. However, the black comedian, who is obviously earning a fair wage (since that's how he judges class) was asked "As a black working class man, do you think white people have a right to winge?!" Trying to be politically correct, because he knows there are laws against racism now was the only thing stopping this man from cutting off anyone who mentioned their race while on the phone.

What happened to informed public debate, surely shows such as this should be the sounding board for it. Not an opportunity to give a man a microphone and a power trip in the name of entertainment.

Dissertation, Dissertation...

2008-03-06T21:59:00.002Z

Like Relocation Relocation, well not really, Kirsty and Phil have got nothing on political communication. I now have five sleeps until my Dissertation has to be handed in.

It's not going too badly but I keep finding interesting tangents that I could have included had I done more research earlier! I am quite far ahead, and I've done more than a lot of my friends, but by no means am I nearly finished and although I'm enjoying the process, because I have no choice but to sit here for hours on end typing and reading and typing and referencing and then giving sympathy and support to everyone else, I'm exhausted! I'm looking forward to submitting then even though I don't have to, I'm going to print and bind my work, just to have it in my hand. I'm going to be very proud of myself when I'm done.

I had something to say about Prince Harry fighting in secret.... But since it was weeks ago and I don't care as much now, I'm not going to bother. I respect the editors involved for keeping quiet and I was completely shocked at the supportive comments left on the BBC website, so that's what I was going to say in case you were wondering.

Well back to work for me.... It's going to be a strange feeling when it's over!

Just get on with it...

2008-02-29T11:16:00.005Z

So in getting away from campus last night I went to Manchester's answer to the Glasgow Film Theatre, The Cornerhouse. Full of pretentious wankers discussing themes and rhetoric and the genius of some obscure director in really loud voices while looking around to see who noticed their vast knowledge. I'm not one of them. I just like films, I even don't like some films. In fact, there are probably more books and films that I don't like, than those I do.

So, weaving my little way through the wankers, I found my seat in the 80's retro cinema with bright red comfortable seats and those weird mottled glass shades over bare bulbs around the edges. They even have a curtain over the strangely small screen which was to show the EPIC in every sense of the word 'There Will Be Blood'. The wankers loved it.

To be honest, I liked it too, but it was just too long, not enough happened to warrant the two and a half hours in which I had to sit (beside my sleeping boyfriend let me add) wondering where this was all going. It was filmed beautifully and Daniel Day-Lewis thoroughly deserved his Best Actor Oscar as the tormented oil merchant greedily buying up land for his personal gain. But it did take a while to get started, 15 minutes without a word spoken to begin. Which I thought was brilliant, you don't notice until someone does speak that it's been a while.

But, and I feel bad for criticising this wildly acclaimed film (I think it's the wankers' influence), I didn't care about it until the last hour and a half where the characters really came into their own and some shocking twists and turns leave you gripped, not knowing whether to love or hate Daniel Day-Lewis' excellent portrayal of Daniel Plainview. Apparently he spent four years working on the part and the depth and absolute immersion in the film is clear.

It leaves you thinking, wondering what to believe, and in a weird way, thinking about people and what they want to achieve. How long before passion turns into greed, and how long before it takes over your life and you have to live with the consequences, and will you really care?

Hmmm... Maybe I am one of the wankers, but at least I'm not out in public shouting about it!

I'm starting again....

2008-02-25T12:58:00.004Z

This last week has been a complete and utter write off. Everything that could have gone wrong did and I have this female complex (which is new, I think it means I'm getting old) which means I take responsibility for things to keep the peace then feel guilty about them even though these things weren't my fault.

I've apologised where necessary and shouted where appropriate along with making some people really understand where I'm coming from which is also a new trait, but which has had (semi) good results today.

I'm still feeling the hangover, emotionally and it's definitely showing physically, hence the show off my favourite clothes in my 365 project, just so I don't have to show my face! The emotional hangover is much harder to deal with, like I said, some things were my fault, others were not. But I feel guilty about them all, and I don't know what to do except forget and move on.

I'm not going to go into detail about everything that has happened, very counter-productive on the moving on I would think. So this is the fresh start, I'll deal with the sickness and the pressure and the stress and the dissertation and forget about the people and just get on.

I hope it works.

In other news I got this email today:

Hi Shelley,

Thanks very much for this - you've done a really good job.

On the strength of this, would you be interested in writing anything else for the next issue?

Just let me know over the next week or so.

Many thanks. Jayne

From corporate communications after I wrote a lengthy news story for them. Quite pleased with that, not too sure if I can take on any extra work yet, but good news all round I think.

Lets hope the good stuff continues...

Why do today...

2008-01-31T20:24:00.000Z

When you can procrastinate until tommorow. So far today, when my draft dissertation is due in two weeks and I have a deadline on Monday, I have sorted out my emergency tax, applied for a hardship loan, paid my library fines and attempted to wash my clothes, (this is more difficult at Uni when the stupid washing machines don't work, mine, at the moment seems to have stopped with 25 minutes left to go and isn't doing anything else. Oh and the door is still locked.).

The diss is coming along very slowly but unfortunately there just isn't time for that. I need it to be coming along in leaps and bounds. I even spent over 4 hours in the library today trying to force it and it just didn't happen. I have everything in my head that I want to write about, but it's just not coming out properly on the paper.

I'm sure blogging will help...

Dissertation Looms...

2008-01-30T21:34:00.000Z

The dreaded dissertation draft is due in 2 weeks, I've started spewing some random thoughts into a Word document and have somehow come up with a plan and some ramblings which has made about 600 words. That's without opening a book or Google Scholar. I'm impressed.

My dissertation supervisor has never been worried about me, he has said from the start that he thinks I'm more than capable and is impressed with the start I made to my research, he also thought my final study would be "funky". Now, I don't know about funky, but ever since he said he wasn't worried, I haven't really been either, I'm also quite good at blagging. Job interviews, tutorials, you name it, I've faked it, and made it.

I'm good at turning on the charm and asking the right questions in the right places which is ok for a part time job interview, but I'm a little frightened that I've managed to fool my tutor into thinking I know more than I do! He's confident, and that made me so confident that I've stopped working on it. Today was the first time in 2 weeks that I actually bothered to pick up my dissertation file off the floor and open the blank word document. Now I've got two weeks and a lot of plans (Juno previews in the Odeon this weekend you see, and I absolutely MUST accompany Julie to a family party, she couldn't possibly go alone!) I forsee lots of library days.... Any spare change for a manky coffee or two?

On other thoughts, I've been perusing a few more blogs than my usual favourites and have wasted quite a lot of my life, well not wasted because every one was honest and true and mostly well written, but how do I fit this rekindled passion for other people's ramblings in with all the Uni work, and knitting, and drinking, and SingStar, and Guitar Hero, and friends, and the boyfriend.... Suggestions welcome!

You'd think so wouldn't you?

2008-01-23T14:58:00.000Z

You'd think that a Journalism lecturer would be able to attach a Word Document in an email would't you?

Well I have just spent half an hour downloading about 17 attachments for my exam tomorrow and not one of them is saved as a Word document. Some of them are attempting to open in Japanese and others are just half of a document in a notepad file.

I'm already unhappy with the organisation on this course and this is just ridiculous! Surely the Media department's lecturers should know how to use the technology!

Or is it just me who expects it?

On another note, how sad is it that Heath Ledger has died? Only 27 too, well that is the age that all the cool tortured people die. I'd only have 2 years left if I was a tortured genius, turns out I'm just tortured.

Defending the media..

2008-01-22T14:53:00.000Z

I have just sat through an hour and a half long lecture titled: "Why Have I Studied the Media?" For me, the media studies part of my degree is an occupational hazard of my journalism degree. However, I am interested in my subjects and would not have understood the academic side of journalism if it hadn't been for the media studies.

Anyway, the lecture had nothing to do with me, although I did ask one question and then the lecturer referred to it about three times and kept looking at me so I had to fake interest instead of the outrage I actually felt! The entire lecture was about how to defend yourself against those cynical employers who don't think that Media Studies is a 'real' degree. Now I'm not going to go and look up the definition, but a degree to me means something that will prepare you for a better grade of job with a serious academic and theoretical base and background. I am studying Journalism and Media Studies which means each subject has equal weighting. I have final practical journalism projects this year, a dissertation on political communication alongside other academic modules and NCTJ exams which will vocationally prepare me for work in a newspaper or magazine.

Sounds quite like a degree to me, I do understand the arguments about media studies and other so-called 'soft subjects' but what annoyed me the most was that I had to have a lecture so that I can defend myself against ignorant old men who want me to work for free. I think I'll apply to places that will actually appreciate the amount of work that I have put in over the last three years and give me a job because I'm the best person for it. I don't want to have to defend my degree. I've worked hard for it and you WILL appreciate that!

P.S. I know my grammar and spelling are really rubbish in this post and it does feel a little half arsed but I've got a Media Law exam in 2 days so need to go and revise!

"I can't believe a year went by so fast..."

2008-01-17T12:54:00.001Z

Little quote from Rent there, I've been watching it a lot recently since I (and Julie) got the DVD for Christmas. But I actually can't believe how fast last year went and now it's 2008 and that's the same year that all my Uni work is due in...

I was going to list what I have to do there, but seriously, it's not worth stressing you out about! I do however, have a Media Law exam on Thursday which I completely forgot about over Christmas, the 24th January felt just so far away. But then I got back to Uni on the 12th, got drunk and woke up on the 15th, got drunk again and woke up today, it's awful soon! I've paid for the exam now so there is no backing out. I'm a little bit confident because I've done all the work before but still. The thought of an exam on Law is going to freak anyone out.

I've also got the dreaded dissertation to compete with. I've picked a topic which makes me sound clever, but really, at the moment it's a little over my head!!

Never mind, it's my birthday on Sunday and I got my first Birthday card today so that made me happy. But I'm also concerned that the celebrations will leave me in no fit state to revise! Uni celebrations usually leave me a little bit dead for some time....... Well there's no turning back now!

I forgot.....

2007-12-10T20:53:00.000Z

To post the link to my 365Days!! Duh...

It's here...

I haven't told too many people about this yet. I'm still a little unsure who or what I'm doing it for! I've been watching a couple of other people's sets grow and grow and am really enjoying the highs, lows and dramas unfold.

So for the lucky few who read this blog, you have the link. And as I get a little more confident about people seeing me everyday online I'll start spreading the word.

The Loose Women said that today is officially the most stressful day of the year. I skipped two lectures just in case... But my shift in the Library was pretty stressful so I guess I didn't manage to escape it.

One assignment down though, and the literature review went quite well, so now it's on to creating a website about this campus before next Thursday. Eek!

xxx

That was a big gap.....

2007-12-06T21:47:00.000Z

I didn't realise how long it had been since I last blogged until today! It's been a good couple of months. I'm not going to bother filling you in on what has happened in between, because that would be boring. There obviously wasn't anything blogworthy, so no point in going over it.

I'm back at Uni now, third and final year. I can't believe I've made it this far, I remember arriving in first year and being in complete awe of the third years who were taking on their final projects and dissertations. At the time they were probably younger than me, but I still looked up to them and felt so young and immature next to them. Now I'm one of them and that is even weirder! Do the first years look up to me now? I certainly feel more grown up and intelligent than when I arrived, but I don't think I deserve the respect I gave when I arrived.

The dissertation is under way, it's not going as well as I would like, but it's going better than I imagined it would at this stage. I'm sure it will be the focus of many blogs as the weeks go by and the countdown starts.

I've started my very own 365Days project inspired by last years girl. I don't know what to make of it just yet, a picture of me, or a part of me for a whole year. Is it self indulgent? Is it voyeuristic? Who knows, not me, that's for sure. But we'll see how it goes, there are already a few days this year that I'm looking forward to so now YOU can share them with me.

Right, I'm in the middle of my literature review at the moment.....

Catch you on the flip side.

I heart headphones

2007-08-16T14:30:00.000Z

Travelling on public transport is getting really old. I'm starting to dread getting on the bus for an hour and a half in the morning, knowing that I'll probably fall asleep with marks on my face and my knees rammed up against the seat in front. Undoubtedly I'll wake up with some old man or fit boy looking at me blinking in the stupid 8am sunshine when I've already been awake for almost three hours. Some days I'll spend £2 on a coffee to keep me awake for the awful journey but then I always spill it on my hands or jeans and end up sticky and smelling like starbucks.

Then there's the journey home. I usually make the 6.30pm bus, sometimes I don't and have to get the one at 7pm, but that doesn't matter. It's always full of old people. And old people smell, and eat biscuits, and smell. I love putting on my head phones. Noise reduction ones that feel like earplugs, but with Belaire, or Rilo Kiley, or TV on the Radio or even the Postal Service when it's been a really bad day. They drown out every single sound without having to resort to top volume. People don't talk to me, or even look at me, even a baby in the next seat can't compete with my lovely sound stopping headphones.

But people still smell. I can take noise, I've got the headphones to tackle it, I can not look at people, my eyes can close. But I still haven't found a way to get over the stench of other people on the bus. I try to sit on my own, but someone always sits in the seat in front or behind. They usually start gobbing or coughing and it makes me feel sick so I turn Avril up even louder and ignore it. But then I can smell them, usually the sweat and stale smell of the great unwashed, why does it bother me so much, I tried to eat mints and kill the smell from the inside. It didn't work. I thought that maybe because my hearing was so drowned out that my sense of smell was heightened. I took out the ear plugs and stared out of the window but the greasy forehead of a teenage goth before had marked the window and I thought I could smell that too. With nothing to distract me the stench got worse. And the bus was hot. So it gets worse again.

I don't know what to do, I can ignore many, many things. But I can't ignore the smell. And I can't wait until I never have to get the bus to Edinburgh again. The rich people are getting the train and the plebs are on the bus. With me, and I hate them.

Rilo Kiley are making me nervous

2007-08-09T12:47:00.000Z

It's been a while since I've had a favorite band. Like a favorite over all others, like 'ohmy godifIeversawthisbandliveIwouldcrybecauseIlovethemsomuch!' And that's how I talk when I love a band. What do you mean you haven't heard of TillyandtheWall or RiloKiley?

But this summer, after 3 solid years of me loving Rilo Kiley, they are FINALLY releasing a new album. And they're getting slightly huge, and it's worrying me. I'm going to see them at Connect Festival which has ruled me out of going to see any of their other gigs across the country. (They're not coming to Scotland again, racists) They're also touring all over the world promoting their new album, which hasn't even been leaked on the internet yet (come on people I need to learn the words) which means they won't be back here like ever.

That's not the most worrying part. What if everyone else starts liking them as well? I'll be the idiot who's like "yah, well, I've loved them ever since their 2004 album 'More Adventurous' came out, and I've got their first ever EP, what did you say your name was again?' and then I'll look like a dick and they won't be my friend. It won't be that joyous occasion where you find someone who loves a total unheard of band as much as you do and then you can listen to 'Portions for Foxes' over and over when you're drunk together. It's the basis of many beautiful friendships. Well at least 3.

I know it's selfish, but I want Rilo Kiley to myself. I want me and my friends to like them but not you. It's not that I want people to say 'who?' when I tell them my favourite band and it's not that I don't want them to do well. I don't want them to get massive, then rubbish, then everyone will like them and I won't anymore. But what if I do and they bring out more albums and do more gigs and then they sell out and I can't go. I'm their biggest fan. I need to be there.

There's nothing you can do about it now.

2007-08-08T14:57:00.001Z

As I was sat on the bus this morning dreading the 90 minute journey from Glasgow to Edinburgh because I forgot to bring a book and my ipod battery died just after my newest headphones broke. I was staring out of the window in fear at what terrors were about to fall on me. Like I'd have to just look out the window at the M8 for an hour, or stare at the clock that was reading 1812 at quarter to eight in the morning, or I could look directly at one of the four security cameras that are so unnervingly places next to the air conditioning. But worst of all, I was scared that someone might actually talk to me, or catch my eye and horror of horrors, look at me when I had no where else to look. I've seen many sights on the Citylink between Glasgow and Edinburgh so trust me. A distraction is just necessary.

As a last ditch attempt at something to look at, I pulled out my notebook and started reading all my notes for work. It's really just a square lined jotter with phone numbers, to do lists and website addresses, but on the second page I found this. Which I thought was very fitting. It made me smile, think 'I suppose it's not such a bad day' And then I fell asleep and woke up as we were passing Edinburgh Zoo. So here is what I found. I wrote this.

Not waiting, no expectations, just a whole lot of travelling. Not the stressful part where you part with your hard earned cash. Not the part where you have to be constantly alert, waiting for your platform to be announced, then finding it just in time to realise you don't have a ticket and the ticket office is all the way on the other side of the station... And closed.

Travelling isn't a stressful business really. It's exciting. The "in transit' bit is like another world. Sitting staring out of the bus window, in a perfectly controlled temperature or even better, flying 30,000 feet above the ground with your phone switched off, your life is in someone else's hands and it's blissful surrendering it to them with your boarding pass.

No one talks to each other either, (unless you're shoehorned into a megabus which is another story for another day) that suits me just fine. I'm not on the bus to make friends. I'm here to get from A to B, probably via C, D, G, X and S on the way. But that's ok too, it doesn't matter what route your chosen vehicle takes. It's the being in Limbo that matters. The not really doing anything but being swiftly carried to your destination. Once you've handed over your ticket and stepped aboard, there's not much else you can do. Everything is outwith your control, if you forget that your life is in someone elses hands and it could all go horribly wrong and there's nothing you can do about it you can travel in blissful ignorance.

Have a pleasant onward journey.

New Hair, No Desk and Alcohol Breath

2007-08-06T11:42:00.000Z

Oh the life of a journalist, I was at the lovely 'Hey You Get Off My Pavement' yesterday outside the even lovely-er Mono in the not so lovely rain. So now I'm feeling back to normal (I think I was still drunk when I woke up) but ever so slightly concerned about the fact that I slept in and didn't have time for a shower this morning. I'm trying desperately not to move about too much, I've smelt alcohol on people before and it's not pretty! I don't think I smell, but you know. I might.

Also it was my new hair cut's debut at work today and it looks slightly dishevelled, half of the reason being standing outside in the rain all day yesterday and the other half of the reason is that I fell asleep on the bus. For the WHOLE journey. That's like nearly an hour and a half. And I missed my stop and had to walk all the way from the bus station. It was a good wee sleep though, better than sleeping on the train where people look at you and stuff.

So here I am without a desk (I borrow from those who aren't in work, but during the festival it seems that everyone likes to show face!) Looking for a partner in crime to see Simon Amstell (YUM) on Saturday night, preferably someone who won't mind when he decides that he's no longer gay and is in love with me and I have to run away to Spain with him.

Any takers?

So here we are again

2007-08-03T12:06:00.000Z

So I'm back at the List, imagine that! I always said it was my dream job, my ambition was to do just this. So what next? I guess anything else in the future is just going to be a bonus but how to build on a dream come true!

It is pretty amazing if I'm honest, I just wish I was as busy as everyone else seems to be, although I think they're keeping me free to do all the jobs they don't want to do. Which is fine by me, it's all a novelty when you're still in your second week.

My only problem right now is that I've got my own office. Well, it's not mine, but I'm the only one who uses it all day. Freelancers pop in on occasion, but last night was the List's festival party so I doubt we'll see much of them today. I'm stuck in the attic office with the beams in the ceiling and the beautiful window that opens onto the roof looking down onto a courtyard at the back of the building. I know, it's a tough life.

I'd still prefer to be downstairs in the thick of things, like the work experience folks are. I'm papped off to the side to get on with it and I'm still not exactly sure what 'it' is that I'm supposed to be doing!

And I'm finding my own company very distracting, that and myspace, and my emails and the fact that I've suddenly been locked out of my Facebook account. That's annoying. I'm not bored though, because only boring people get bored, you know that. And I am getting on with my work it's just that I don't feel like I'm doing quite as much work as everyone else is, and it's lonely up here in the lovely office with my own computer, phone, toilet, water cooler and occasional freelance friend.

I have managed to get my wee name in the mag again though, here it is: http://www.list.co.uk/article/2558-kids-are-alright/

You're going to have to copy and paste that baby into your browser because for some reason, the wee linkthing has dissappeared. So of I go back to the good ship editorial assistant (who's not actually in the editorial office, but in the freelance office, not doing anything freelance) hmm and lunchtime, List festival party last night has left me with some considerable muncies. I've eaten my yogurt and my nutrigrain it's off to Greggs for me. Sausage Roll party.

So where were we?

2007-06-06T09:55:00.000Z

This blog wasn't supposed to be very personal when I started it, but finding the time to sit and write a report, or a feature, or just an articulated well written rant is difficult. It's so much easier to sit at my computer and spill. I'm not one of those people who is comfortable writing about every minute detail of their lives and publishing it online. But then, I don't really know who I'm writing this blog for.

It started as a seminar excersise at Uni, and it stayed that way for a few posts. I hated the idea that so many blogs were started then left with only one post somewhere in cyberspace, forgotton and relegated to the depths of the internet. So I kept going, I've posted about everything, and I did try to keep it professional, but now, I'd hate for an employer to see my emotional rants about life, the universe and Neighbours.

I'm pondering taking stock and deleting the emotional debris, but when I read through the posts it's like a diary. A diary of the things I thought too trivial to talk about, too boring to make into a story but also those things that I did think were important. Things that struck a chord or things that made me angry. I occasionally wrote to style, I occasionally wrote something that resembled a feature. I posted Uni work, competition entries and things I'd tried hard to write.

But now this blog is littered with both emotional and professional posts. I'd delete some, but then it would be incomplete, who really (apart from maybe a future employer) wants to read an entire blog made up of my news stories and half hearted features? It's boring, I suppose it's up to me to make my writing exciting, but how can you link a 3000 word feature on music festivals to a news story about the Thelwall Beavers and keep it interesting. And, what employer is going to actually look at a blogspot.com webspace?

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve, I'm lost in a number of parts of my life. It sounds like I'm trying to take stock. Make everything into something and have direction and show the passion that I really do have. I promise! But at the same time stay professional and interesting.

It's a hard balance to strike and I don't think I've achieved it here. I know what I want this to look like, but it's hard.

Oh, and I'm not starting another blog to keep both parts of my life seperate. That's rediculous. One or both of them would end up unused and forgotten, then dragged up on me when I'm on 'This is Your Life'!

Thanks, to whoever reads this, I occasionally get comments and emails, but not enough to make me think that I have an 'audience'. Maybe that's why I share.

Nude No More

2007-06-03T21:20:00.000Z

Have a look at the new shirts on Threadless they're all incredibly cheap at the moment. If you buy two, with shipping it will only cost you £15. How amazing is that.

What now?

2007-06-01T10:54:00.000Z

So now that I've worked at a newspaper for six weeks, I think I've decided that local news isn't for me. Well, I had already decided that, but this has confirmed it.

I'm the girl who left Glasgow because she thought it was too small, I'm the girl who packs her bag and leaves for Sweden or Belgium at two day's notice and I'm the girl who hates nosiness and bitching. It seems that reporting the local news is all about that.

I think this job would be better suited to someone who actually likes living in a village, maybe someone who cares that a section of one of the hundreds of local primary schools is going to be demolished, or someone who cares that there is going to be a new disabled parking space on Stockton Lane.

Maybe someone who hasn't seen that there is more to life than one village, more to life than the Thelwall beavers and what ex students of the local college are doing now (most of them by the way are travelling abroad and getting jobs in London). I'm just not suited to knocking on people's doors asking them why they started a hat hire company or opened a funeral home and I'm definitely not suited to sitting in a small dirty office rewriting press releases when it's the first sunny day we've had in weeks.

I've always said that only boring people get bored, but really, when you're not getting paid to rewite a story about a horse that was born at a farm 12 miles away or you're stuffing envelopes with newspapers so that the locals can have their very own copy it's hard to stay focused, never mind awake.

It's not the job for me, but I don't know what is. I do get excited about seeing my name in print, but then I get excited when I see my favourite band's name in print too so that doesn't say much. I'm finding it very difficult to muster up enthusiasm for an office job with no prospects and no cash. But even if I was getting paid for this, there is no room for promotion, no room for improvement, the boss already loves me and I don't even think I'm working hard. She's got no room to go further, how could she praise me for doing better when she already thinks I'm the best.

Ok, my shorthand leaves a lot to be desired and so does the occasional grammatical or style slip, but really, once I've finished my degree those things will be spot on. What do I get to do after that? It's very unfulfilling.

But then I don't know what is. There are hundreds of young journalists out there who would absolutely love the freedom that I have to write what I want (as long as it's in South Warrington) and the deadlines and the so-called pressure (see my last post for my uneventful and frankly boring experience of a deadline) but I don't want it. They can have it, infact the job I'm doing now is advertised in this issue of the South Warrington News.

I don't know what I'm destined to do, I'm creative, but not creative enough, I'm dedicated, but not dedicated to something that's not my own, I'm committed, but not disiplined enough to start something like a business so I don't know what's next. I miss being arty and I'll always have crafty bits in my blood, but I'm not good enough at anything to start a business, I don't even think I'm good enough at writing to write for a publication that I love.

So who knows what's next for me, I can feel a change coming (again) but I don't know what I want. I'll finish my degree and I'm absolutlely going to do the best I can at it, but after that, I don't have a clue, it's a blank at the moment, and it's a bit scary.

On a Deadline?

2007-05-17T10:21:00.000Z

Well, I don't know if it's me or this paper, but if this is a deadline I'm going to be a journalist for the rest of my life.

Maybe I'm just super organised or super calm (I'm not by the way) but it just seems that everything is ready to go and I've actually got LESS work to do now that most of my editorial has been sent to the subs.

STOP THE PRESS: Actually, the sub editor has just phoned in sick after six years of never missing a deadline. Whoops. Think I jinxed the place.

But I do feel surprisingly calm, I don't know if it's my editor. She is a stressed out kind of person, but thrives on it and gets the job done. So maybe I'm only stressed by stressed out other people and thats why I'm so calm here.

Also, I'm not exactly working at the Sun so I suppose theres less pressure to start with. But the editor and the last journalist that worked here warned me about how busy it was and how stressed they always got. Maybe I'm just work experience so am kept out of it but no one really seems that bothered about the deadline.

And I get to go home early today, fair enough I started at 8.30 this morning but I still get to go home at 12.30! Totally looking forward to that, I've got nothing to do here! My editor said to me yesterday "if this doesn't prepare you for working in a newspaper, I don't know what will!"
I smiled politely but this is not my idea of journalism, I thought it was exciting and pressured and busy and creative. This is sitting in a back office in Stockton Heath rewriting press releases about cows farting. (Fact, I got an email about that earlier this week).

I also heard a fact recently that journalism is one of the most stressful of all careers. I thought my first ever deadline would make me cry. In fact, I'm bored and am going to make a cup of tea.

So... The exhaust fell off my car today.

2007-05-13T20:34:00.000Z

Yes, another thing in the long, long list of problems with my car. Not even a month ago I had a new head gasket, starter motor and water pump. That all came to the grand total of £700. I was skint at the time and managed to scrape it all together. I seriously mean scrape. I had absolutely nothing in my account after that fateful day.

So today, I was leaving campus and heard a funny clunking sound. Then the car started to sound like a jet. Not a jet garage, a jumbo jet. I'm sure they heard me coming all over Warrington. So I continued to ASDA, it was a shoe emergency and when I got back. A fellow student flagged me down and gave me the middle section of my exhaust. It's now sitting in the back seat.

Needless to say, I'm not particularly keen to get it fixed, I'd rather push it in a canal. But unfortunately, I need her, I like her no matter what huge expense she throws at me, but I still am not looking forward to the three mile drive to Kwik-Fit tomorrow. And if I'm perfectly honest, I just can't wait to get rid of her now!

That drive to the garage tomorrow, people will stare, others will flash their lights as if I don't know that my exhaust is slightly louder than theirs... Ok the loudest you have ever heard. It's going to be embarrassing, then when I get to Kwik-Fit, they'll see wee me coming and add 90% onto their prices and fob me off with a half hearted job that will cost three times the price. They will think I don't know what I'm talking about but to be honest, I know absolutely everything that can go wrong on a car. And how, when you think that it's as bad as it can possibly get and the price is as high as you think it will rise. Things will always get worse. And more expensive.

This really is the last repair. I can't take it anymore. But then, the MOT is due on June 3. And that will probably fail. Just because it's me, and it's Beryl and we don't have a very good relationship at the moment.

I only realise what I miss when I get it back again.

2007-05-12T16:56:00.000Z

When it was sunny, i was happy. I loved it, wearing sunglasses and pretty shoes and feeling warm all the time. I liked driving with the windows down and stopping for ice creams. I liked watching boys play football and I liked going to bed with the windows open. I didn't like the suncream and getting in the car when it had been parked in the sun, but those were small sacrifices for barbeques and beer gardens.

But then, as the days got darker and more grey and eventually when it got cold, wet and windy again, I realised that I'd missed it. I hate the way my hair frizzes though, and I hate when my feet get wet because I wore ridiculous shoes for the weather and when my jeans soak up the puddles. I hate it when the windscreen wipers only wipe the passenger side of the car and I hate when I'm totally unprepares and don't have an umbrella or a hood.

But I like the rain, I really do. And I miss it when it's gone. It's Britain though, and the rain is never far away, but I like the noise it makes on the window and I like walking in it when I don't care about getting wet. I like looking out when it's rainy and feeling pleased that I'm dry. I like the smell when it rained and the ground was hot. And like my wellies although I don't wear them unless the rain is torrential or at a festival.

It's the same with people and things, I miss my family and friends from home but I only realise how much when I actually get back home. Then I'm too busy enjoying myself there to realise how much I'm missing Uni and my friends there. So when I say I miss you, I mean it, but I'll mean it more when I see you again. I suppose I've been lucky. I think I'll count my lucky stars the next time. I won't always get another chance.

23 Days to go...

2007-05-08T10:02:00.003Z

23 working days that is. I'm counting down already to the end of work placement and the beginning of the summer. I've always hated it when people "wish their life away". Always waiting for the weekend or counting hours till the end of the day. You only live once, why shouldn't a Monday be as fun as a Saturday? Surely there's something in your day that makes it worthwhile.

But here I am, doing everything I hate. Counting hours and days and wishing they were over. I hate myself for it, but the working for free isn't really filling me with much joy. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on my work because no one is really expecting anything amazing. I think that will change next week though when I'm under the pressure of a deadline!

My expectations of this placement were immense. I had visions of me working 20 hours a day with no thanks and no support. It's turned out better than I expected but I still can't help myself wishing the day away. It doesn't help that every night when I finish work placement I have to go earn actual money in my real job. Not a job that I particulary enjoy or am inspired to do well in but it buys me food and beer and pays my bills.

I hope one day that I can have a job that I truly love and that I don't mid getting up in the morning for. It has happened in the past and I hope it happens again sometime. In the meantime though, I either want to be a proper student who works part time and moans about how hard it is to write a 3000 word essay or a journalist who gets paid to sit in the office and re write press releases. Neither of which is happening right now! I'm doing the latter, but doing it for free and I think we've established that this is not the kind of thing I can see myself doing for 20 years. (Or less, depending on when I get bored or have a quarter life crisis).

So good luck to all of you on placement at the moment, I hope that something is giving you joy and it's not just the thought that there are only 4 hours left of your working day or 23 days left of your entire placement. Just think, when we finish all of this, there are still 3 weeks until the end of term. That's a whole lot of Piazza action!

Have a lovely day.

Back to School

2007-04-23T13:45:00.000Z

I've been off Uni for the Easter Holidays since the end of March and today was the first torturous lecture back. I don't know if torturous is a word but the spellcheck seems to accept it. But funnily enough has a problem with the word spellcheck!

Anyway, the only module I have this semester is Work Based Learning. I'm sure I've moaned about it on here before but it seems like free labour for a greedy employer for me. I've already done half of my hours at the List and I'm so, so grateful for that. That placement was amazing and I'll probably be focusing on that one in my report. However, my next placement is really taking the piss. (Sorry, couldn't think of a more elegant way to put it.)

By boss is already taking full advantage of my nice nature, inability to say no or do a half hearted job and my absolute desperation to get good marks in this module. She's got me running ragged around Warrington for her before my placement has even started! I've also found out that the journalist that I'm supposed to be working with has left. I'm going to be running the stories by myself. Lets just go over that; sourcing stories, getting interviews and photographs and writing them up for printing in the paper.

Fair enough its going to be a brilliant experience, but I have absolutely no idea how a local paper is run. I have no idea what kind of stories to cover and I have absolutely no contacts in Warrington or anywhere else for that matter!

Work experience is taking over my life at the moment and I'm kind of wishing this placement was over before it's even started. I don't want to be given that amount of responsibility when I'm only on work placement. I shouldn't be expected to have perfect shorthand, research and writing skills. I know I should be at a decent enough level to be able to write. But to do absolutely everything myself when I know for a fact the editor isn't in the office all the time is a bit unrealistic.

So basically, I'm scared. I feel like too much is being asked of me already, in a place where I'm not too keen to try and excel. We'll see how it goes. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised!

I don't know what else to do...

2007-04-17T22:21:00.000Z

The last post on here was depressing and unfortunately this one is the same. I promise to write about Uni and the weather again soon but here goes.

If I was in the position that the BBC journalist Alan Johnston is now, I'd hope that everyone would do everything in their power to get me returned safely. There have been unconfirmed reports that he has been killed, but that's even more reason for those who can to try harder for his release.

Here is a link

to a BBC petition, I don't know how much it will help, but it's worth a try.

Terrified into owning a gun.

2007-04-16T21:47:00.000Z

It's devastating to hear of the students killed in the shooting in Virginia today. In the UK we are so protected from gun crime that most of us have never seen a live firearm up close. From what I've gathered, in America it seems that people believe it is their right to own and bear arms. It sounds to me that families think someone is likely to walk through their front door and gun them down while they watch tv. That fear would make anyone want to own a gun but its not likely to happen. But unfortunately people in America seem to think that it will, and that they need to be prepared for it.

In Virginia where the shooting happened today, you or I could walk into a shop and buy a gun with no checks whatsoever. You can't even rent a flat in the UK without a background check. But sadly the laws in America are never likely to change and again, it was so sad to hear that after the last time in America where 12 people were killed, the gun laws have been relaxed. Why, are people allowed to be so terrified into owning guns. Surely people should feel safe enough in their neighbourhood that they can sleep without a rifle under their pillow.

Ok, I'm exaggerating, I'm not naive enough to believe that every family in America is packing a shotgun. But if what I've heard is true, then its certainly normal. I understand that any responsible parent wouldn't let their child near the family firearms, but I bet that many do. And I bet that those children grow up with the fear that their parents did and get themselves a gun to protect their family.

It really is so sad to think of those kids in Virginia who thought they were in a safe place. Living away from their parents, studying and living with friends. I bet some of the 33 who died today were exactly like me and my friends. Except they happened to live in a culture where guns are acceptable. Where guns can be bought down the local Tesco and where 33 innocent people are allowed to die because some maniac felt like it. Those kids should be protected, how many more have to die before gun laws in America are tightened.

This won't be the last killing spree in the States. The NRA will see to that.
And its heartbreaking to think of the families of those killed today. How will they feel when we see the next time, and the time after that? But nothing will change, why would it? George Bush thinks its acceptable for people to protect themselves with guns. The NRA are one of the most powerful organisations in the world. And oh yeah, they have guns. How are we supposed to compete with that?

It's almost over

2007-04-06T16:12:00.000Z

I can't believe I've been at the List for two weeks now. I've most definitley not enjoyed getting up at 6am every day but I'd usually forgotten that as soon as I picked up my Metro. It's been full of mostly highs and I'm totally sad to leave. There is so much more for me to do here, and yes, even after 2 weeks of working for free, I'd still give my eye teeth to work at the List.

Look out for the next issue people, it's lovely. And look out for my name, oh yes. I've got a by-line. My first ever by-line and it just happens to be in a magazine that I've been reading since I was about 17. I've got myself some free stuff too, perks of the job you know. One of them even happened to be a free bar! Not advisable though, I'm sure the image of me the next morning was pretty scary.

So this is the last thing I'll be doing at my trusty wee mac, it's been slow sometimes, but I'm loving it now. I had my own desk for a week and it's about to be passed down to the next pleb cum budding journalist that walks through the door. They're going to love it here, and who knows. Maybe I'll be walking through the door as an actual employee one day.

We'll see.

xx

Wow, The List.

2007-03-26T20:14:00.000Z

Is so not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't what I found. The offices are in what looks like converted flats and they're like a maze of corridors and passages and rooms with way too many doors. Everyone there seems lovely but older and much more subdued than I was expecting. Again, I don't think I was expecting 19 year olds swinging from the rooftops and those who do work there aren't much over 30. I know that I did expect to feel totally inadequate with all their fountains of knowledge, and to a certain extent I was, but t looks like my years of reading the magazine and trying my best to always know whats happening in town have paid off. I wasn't completely over my head and yes, I did feel cool sitting at my very own desk with my very own computer drinking tea and doing some research for a feature.

I'll have some skivvying jobs aswell I'm sure. Although I haven't made my own cup of tea yet! And I'm sure the getting up at 6am and getting home at 8pm will become normal. I hope.

But there is something nice about travelling by train, theres also something cool about having a rail card. It's like a status symbol that says: "yeah, I do this all the time. I'm bored of it now, I'll just sit here listening to my ipod or reading my paper." When really I'm like: "yeah, look at me. Commuting." I'll get used to the early starts, it's all in preperation for my next work placement which is going to be as big a mission as this but in different ways.

So back to the capital tommorow, doing my dream job for free and finding out it's not quite as glamourous as I imagined. ALthough I was impressed when a voice came from somewhere in the distance and shouted: "Who wants press accreditiation for Glasgow Fashion Week?" I was desperate to shout out but you know, take it slowly. I'm sure the credits will come next week.

Home isn't really home.

2007-03-25T17:15:00.000Z

I'm home apparently, well home where my parents live and where I grew up for all of my teenage years and most of the rest. I don't really have a bedroom as such, none of my stuff is here and I'm living such a different life to my friends here that it's hard to stay in touch and catch up when I'm here.

All my stuff is at Uni. My computer, my music, my clothes, what I would call my bed, my TV, my boyfriend, my clothes (my shoes however have remained here in Glasgow throught my Uni life) and worst of all I think I left my social life there along with my house keys! Although calling what I have at Uni a social life is a huge overstatement if I'm honest. I don't make plans, I don't go anywhere other than the Uni bar or someone else's room and I never have any money to do anything else.

When I'm in Glasgow however, there's everything going on and everyone to do it with but I still feel like I'm just visiting. I've been gone for so long and had the easy life for equally as long that I don't really know how to get back into the swing of things. Phoning round and seeing what people are doing is the option. Did that. Found out everyone was out last night when I was stuck outside my own house after forgetting my keys and driving 200 miles.

So now it's Sunday, I'm watching a repeat of Top Gear because this series has finished and hoping that by reaching out through my mobile and this borrowed laptop I can find some civillisation and some entertainment tonight before I start working for free (read 'making tea') for those lovely people at the List tommorow.

It's nearly Easter!

2007-03-21T22:59:00.000Z

And I can't quite believe it. I've just submitted my penultimate piece of work for this semester and it's a little scary. Not only because I've had my last Journalism lecture of 2nd year but because I don't really know where 2nd tear has gone!

One minute I'm stressing out because I've got 4 exams in a week and the next I'm planning my trip home for Easter. Before I know it, it's going to be work placement. (That I've managed to arrange thank you very much, at a free local Newspaper in Warrington where I'll be a reporter for 6 weeks) Hopefully that will lead to my name in print and probably also to me swearing never to set foot in another newsroom again!

I've got to decide this week also whether or not to do the dreaded dissertation. 10,000 words on a media/journalistic topic of my choice. It's optional, but the other options are considerably worse. So I'm condemning myself to the torture that my friends are going through right now and this time next year I'll be cursing my want for a decent degree while staying up all night frantically writing thousands of words on a hideously defined topic that I'll be sick of by Christmas.

I thought it was a great idea to get myself a degree. I don't think I could do it again, I think I;m old enough and reclusive enough to not want to put myself through another freshers week and having every single person on campus come up to me and say "oh my god, you're scottish!" I know that, I have seen my passport and know Glasgow well enough to say, "yep, I live there." Two years ago I was so up for it I would have won the coveted Adam Palfrey Up for it award. But this year I'd be lucky to win an honorable mention!

Half of me can't wait for this year to be over, the other half is terrified of third year and its finality. Who knows what I'll do after that, to be honest as one of my friends said the other day. "I don't really think I want a graduate job after this. I think I just want to lie down!"

I wrote this....

2007-03-04T13:09:00.000Z

I'm entering the T Break competition for music journalists with this piece. 500 words is looooong for a review! Tell me what you think. Leave me a comment at the end.

Waiting by the old piano in the Night and Day Café is an exciting but nervous experience. Austin Texas’ Voxtrot have been on stage for about 20 minutes but haven’t played a note. They are anxiously checking and rechecking equipment that doesn’t seem to work for them. The lead singer Ramesh Srivastava dons his guitar and steps to the front stony faced only to encounter a silent microphone. He looks to his right to see the sound engineer rushing to his desk. They’re ready to begin.

Ramesh apologises for the technical difficulties and launches energetically but hesitantly into “Mothers, Sisters, Daughters and Wives”. The vocals are muffled and Keyboard player Jared Van Fleet, also known as Sparrow Hall, frantically signals for them to be turned up. Something else is way too loud and the band is looking nervous. Ramesh looks uncomfortable but storms through the first song with his usual excitement and vigour. He looked much more comfortable on stage at Optimo in Glasgow last year where his boundless energy resulted in a dramatic end to the gig. Ramesh was dragged offstage before the last song after cutting his head on a low monitor. Images of him bloodied but still singing appeared on you tube within a day.

After the disappointing first song, a quick scan of the crowd shows the majority squeezing their way closer to the front. Voxtrot have overcome the problems and the crowd want more. The far from sold out Night and Day is intimate enough to reward persistence, being at the front gives a rare glimpse of the band close up. Drummer, Matt Simon, looks bored to begin with and the rest play stony faced through the first few tracks where the obvious lack of a sound check causes problem after problem. The silence between songs feels like respect, but the nervous faces on stage must think it’s something more sinister.

The band soon relaxes though and Van Fleet dances behind his instruments and bass player Jason Chronis sings along. Voxtrot storm through the rest of their optimistic poppy set with Van Fleet working up a sweat behind his multiple keyboards. Ramesh really looks as though he’s enjoying himself and dances awkwardly but energetically through song after song of catchy rocky pop. Not even a broken microphone stand as Ramesh takes to the keyboard for “Soft and Warm” can stop him bouncing along. Voxtrot have been likened to Belle and Sebastian and the uplifting keyboard effects only back this up.

Voxtrot don’t say much during this gig, Jason Chronis reluctantly takes the mic, as Ramesh tunes his guitar for the third time, and introduces two new songs before giggling nervously and slinking towards the back staring at his bass. The gig ended on a massive high with “Missing Pieces”. The band overcoming all earlier obstacles to play like we knew they could. This might be the last time Voxtrot play the Night and Day Café but it certainly won’t be the last we hear of them.

Paying for an education

2007-02-26T12:41:00.000Z

I had a lecture today. Being a student, that's not particularly surprising. But it was a lecture on internet research. Again, with a dissertation to do next year that's hardly surprising either. But what is absolutely shocking though is the lecture, that was supposed to be an hour long, lasted a mere half an hour and the lecturer only talked about how to search on Google.

Now, I'm 24. I've had the internet my whole life, I do remember it in it's infancy but again, I've been using it the whole time I've been in education. Thats a long time. And I know how to use Google. I could have understood if the lecture was on useful ways to narrow searches in databases such as online journals or bibliography databases. But no. This lecture really was on how to use Google.

There's not much else to say on it really. I got up at 9am for a lecture and was back in my room slightly stunned at what juat happened a mere 35 minutes later! I've ranted to everyone around me at my astonishment and now I'm telling you. I'm paying about £7,000 a year and getting myself into an unimaginable amount of debt to be taught about how to search on Google. It's not even the best way to search! I'd fail if I cited it in an essay so what was the point? Your guess is as good as mine.

I might write a stronly worded letter. Then again, being a student. Neighbours is on soon, so I probably won't.

Night and Day Sucks!

2007-02-23T00:20:00.000Z

Well there's a phrase I never thought I'd type! Night n Day officially made me a little upset tonight. The brilliantly poppy but not trashy Voxtrot played tonight and spent about 20 minutes standing on stage not doing much before the lead singer said: "Ok, we're ready" into a silent mic (I know because I was poised next to the piano waiting for them to start) only to find the sound engineer still standing next to the stage chatting to his pal.

Then they started with all their usual vigour and zest (I love that word) but the singer couldn't be heard, something was waaaaay to loud and everything else was a bit muffled and confusing. I knew the words but couldn't make them out and was truly hoping that they would sort them out and play like I know they can. After calling for more vocals about three more times and stopping to tune up twice the band looked uncomfortable with the silence in the not so packed Night and Day.

After the first song they got on form and played a stonking few songs but as the lead singer took the keyboards the mic stand broke and ended up with a random in a dogtooth hoodie of all things holding it up for him! I sadly had to leave just before the end but Voxtrot grabbed every opportunity to pull the gig back in their favour and worked it to their advantage but as I left sadly during the last song I thought this will be the last time we see Voxtrot in the Night n Day. I just hope they've got it all sorted out before Tilly and the Wall next week!

Yes, Tilly and the Wall in the Night n Day next week. I blue myself in anticipation. I cannot wait. They stomped all over Indian Summer and will do the same in Manc. Bad sound or no bad sound. I'm just hoping my cars fixed in time so I don't have to leave before the set's even halfway through!

Nude No More

2007-02-21T21:52:00.000Z

I love t-shirts. I love design. I love art. I love being creative and other creative people. I also love threadless.com. Trawling through the thousands of submitted designs by ordinary Joes like you and me you often come across some piece of genius. You also come across an extraordinary amount of crap but it's worth it all for the gold. I've only managed to buy myself one tshirt and one hoodie so far but I have converted many others to dedicated followers of Threadless. Many days have passed where I bump into someone and they say "Oh, have you seen the new Threadless shirts? They went up tonight" or on submitting your own text slogans a conversation interrupted with "Brilliant, thats a Threadless slogan right there!" Your design submissions, if you are so creatively inspired, can win you up to $2000 in cash and a host of other Threadless goodies including a years membership to the exclusive "12 club" where every month you receive a surprise design from Threadless' select designers. Your slogan submissions really only need an Americanised form of wit to win $100 cash and $100 Threadless credit! Not bad for a bit of sarcasm to proudly emblazon your chest.

The Decemberists

2007-02-06T23:49:00.000Z

After arriving during the first song to a surprisingly sold out and very crowded gig we managed to get a good spot with a couple of cans of Red Stripe and where tiny little me couldn't see as usual (You get used to judging a gig on sounds rather than what they look like on stage). The most surprising thing of all though was the silence. The crowd were either shocked stunned or possibly just in admiration. The Decemberists gave it their all on stage and even got some audience participation going during a brilliant rendition of "16 Military Wives" but the audience remained respectful and quiet in what felt like awe during most of the set.

Laughing politely at the Americans jokes the audience only sang loudly when prompted and even more shockingly I even heard a loud "Sssshhhhhhhh!" from behind when someone dropped a bottle. Although this was the case, the band picked up on it and continued to play a blinding though subdued set and came back quickly to play an encore.

They didn't play "Shiny" though and I know I wasn't the only one who missed it.

2 Weeks of nothing.

2007-02-06T23:42:00.000Z

This part of the Uni calender is always quiet. Exams are finished, we've all spent our student loans and there's still a week before we have to start the next semester. Lots of time to reflect on the negatives of student life. Like no money when your car breaks down, can't go home when it's your friends birthday or you have to start eating plain pasta again until your dead end job finally pays you after the Christmas hole in your student bank account.

On the other hand though, I still have that wonderful work placement to look forward to and I'm a little more optimistic about that than I was last time! There is also time now to do such time wasting things as watch two whole series of "House" or "CSI" or to watch an entire series of 24 in 24 hours (thats scheduled to start on Thursday night).

And time to make big plans like: "Now my exams are over I'm going to... go back to the gym, eat less sweets, drink less (after re-freshers of course), and get all my coursework done early so that I'm not doing it all at the last minute. All brilliant when you've got nothing better to do with your time, but by next week when everything is back to normal will go straight out the window with last weeks pasta and a bent frying pan.

I'm back...

2007-01-15T00:09:00.000Z

Well, as I know full well that the majority of blogs online get created and never get updated I'm determined to keep using mine! I do feel like I'm talking to a blank corner of the internet and it's just me here. But I can practice my writing and tell whomever stumbles by what I'm protesting, sorry, discussing at the moment.

It's just gone Christmas and that means exams again, I have many this semester and obviously blogging is taking a much more important spot in my life! I've ranted on before about how much I hate exams so I won't repeat myself, my only addition is that I'm going to get better marks this time, or at least continue on the 60%'s I got the last time!

I've just been reading through some sponsored blogs by people that I vaguely know and am convinced they have this in built ability to make the most mundane event sound ever so exciting and that's what I'm practicing here. Yes, I know it's not quite there yet, but give me time. Reading them and stealing their ideas is going to do wonders for my own writing style, just you wait and see.

My current aim (after finishing my exams thank you very much) is to get myself a decent work placement for the wonderful part of my degree called Work Based Learning. I'd like to think of myself as a writer so ideally I'd like to work in a newspaper or magazine, but being me I don't want to be stuck at the Warrington Guardian reporting on the local council meeting where someone complained AGAIN about Asda trollies being left in the street! I want something exciting and new and me and somewhere I can get free stuff! We'll see how it goes though and hopefully my pitiful blogging here will flourish into the most articulate exciting set of ramblings you ever read on the internet. I'll win a Pulitzer prize one day, you wait and see. (That is in the same way I'm getting a 1st on my degree, I have my doubters but we'll see!) So yeah, if you know of anyone looking for a journalism student to do some free slave labour for 6 weeks, get in touch!

Well, may aswell make it a new years resolution since I can't remember the last time I even made one never mind the last time I kept one to keep my blog up to date.

We'll see.

xxx

I blame birth order

2006-09-13T23:11:00.000Z

For all the bad bits of my personality! I was born first so I'm attention seeking and argumentative, I can be selfish and worst of all I have no imagination. Seriously. I've been trying to write in this blog all summer and ask anyone, I've done loads of exciting things to share, but I don't want to just rhyme off all my summer activites. How boring would that be? But instead of thinking up some cool new angle, I wrote nothing. I stared at the nice blank box that normally has my fingers itching and couldn't think how to start. So I didn't. Now I'm sure you're thinking "thats not no imagination, thats just laziness!" You could say that, but then I'd blame it on the fact that I've got my younger brother to do everything for me since he was able! See, birth order again.

I can't play with toys either, I need other people. I don't really like my own company that much, I much prefer having people to entertain me. Siblings for example! I can't build anything with Lego, never have been able to. I need the instructions even to build a house. I still remember how to build the windmill that was first in the book. My brother was building space stations and land rovers and terrains for his dinosaur toys and I was copying the picture and arranging the furniture in my Sindy's dreamhouse.

So now I'm all out of things to write about again, so until next time...

We miss you!

2006-09-08T23:54:00.000Z

I watched BBC's "Life of Grime" today. Twice, on two seperate occasions. I hate that programme, it makes me queasy, but the legend that is John Peel is the narrator. I miss him every day and I know that there are many young people just like me who feel lost in that big sea that is new music.

At first I will admit, I didn't recognise the dulcet tones straight away, I knew the voice made me feel happy and warm and fuzzy and I wanted to listen to it more but it was only after a few seconds that I put a name to a voice and I felt so much better. I miss tuning in at night and hearing the now famous "I think I played that at the wrong speed but I think it sounds much better that way" or the shock in his voice as a record ends early and after a few seconds of dead air you hear "oh! Sorry! It's back to me isn't it."

I could go on and on as many already have about the late great John Peel, but I'll leave with my favourite tribute which sums up my feelings exactly. Right I can't find the exact quote so I'll paraphrase for the moment.

"I was never an avid listener to his show but just knowing he was there when I wanted to listen made the world a nicer place."

I still get a pang of sadness when I go to tune in to the John Peel show and remember that he's gone. There is no replacement. We miss you JP!!

Not a Fun Game

2006-07-01T21:08:00.000Z

Well Uni is over for first year. I absolutley can't believe it, it's flown by like I never imagined. So much has happened and I can tell already that I've met some people who I'll be friends with for a long, long time. No job or even college has made me think that, so it's nice. Got its downsides though, third years leaving and I don't know some of them well enough to keep in touch, but at Uni they've been really good mates. Best of luck to them, every single one has been brilliant.

Home now and it's pretty depressing. After living so close to so many people, coming home and having no one to wake you up, or to cook with, or to even just sit and do nothing with is weird. All my friends at Uni were the same as me with nothing to do and nowhere really to do it, so we were all together doing nothing, which actually turned out to be really fun most of the time. People here have lives and families and jobs and commitments that I'm not used to yet. Recently I've been able to phone up my mates and meet them there and then, now I'm having to make plans and organise things just so I can see people. I'm no quite used to it yet.

This is turning out to be more of a rant than a nicely written article. Maybe one day I'll change it, but right now I'm bored for the first time in months and feel like talking, but there's no one to talk to right now. My bestie isn't answering her phone and other people are away watching the football (I cannae afford that) and others are just too far away for me to see them right now. That makes me sad.

Think that is all before I start ranting on and on about nothing in particular.

xxx

The Ups and Downs of Uni Life.

2006-06-13T18:20:00.000Z

This has been one crazy week at Uni so here's the run down....

Up for it

Inflatables
Sunshine
Mini Milks
Sharing
Finishing Exams
Sitting in the sun till it gets dark...
Then sitting in the dark till it gets light
Tents
Football
Crayola
Finding out who cleans up the mess we make
Finding out that your friends are absolute legends
Obstacle courses
Home made Cider and cheap wine
Holes

Going Down

No Neighbours on TV
Third years leaving
Second Years still having work to hand in
Thunderstorms and Rain
Having to move house
Sunburn and peeling
Finding out that some friends aren't that friendly
Starbucks having no ice for frappuchinos
Being skint

Journalism as a career.

2006-06-05T14:26:00.000Z

Reading the Guardian today I came across an article reminding me that being a Journalist is a dangerous game. Many are killed and injured every year while reporting and the reason given in the paper? Well, killing the Journalist is the easiest form of censorship. Now thats scary. This is the article.

I always knew it was a competitive field and to be honest, I never actually thought of being a writer. I wasn't one of those kids who wrote stories, I liked English at school, but that was because I liked to read. I never dreamed of writing a book or travelling the world reporting on war torn countries constantly under threat from 'censorship'. I wanted to be a vet, or a primary school teacher, or a dancer, or an astronaut, and really, I never thought I was good enough at anything to persue it as a career. So what am I doing now, studying Journalism, something I'm not particularly good at, something that could get me killed if I become a war correspondant, sometimes, if I'm honest, the news bores me. I don't want to write for a newspaper, I don't have the flair or creativity to be freelance (although that does sound like my perfect career, I'd never miss neighbours again) and I'm not good under pressure so my dream of being an editor is a bit dashed from the start.

The article in the Guardian today sounded like it was trying to scare people away from the profession saying that over 300 Journalists die every year and how as a profession, its on the decline because of 'citizen journalism' and blogging. Was it a clever ploy to steer people away so that there are more jobs available for the serious journalist? Maybe. I also thought that the Guardian were all for blogging and citizen journalism, with their liberal values and support of freedom of speech surely they'd be jumping at the chance to embrace new technology and move forward.

Maybe thats what it was then, an opinion piece showing the other side of the story, some stuffy old man worried that he's going to be replaced by a computer. Whats that saying? Something about the Zeitgeist. It means 'in the spirit of the age' anyway, so get with it Guardian. Its happening, theres nothing you can do about it.

Moving Home is Rubbish

2006-06-03T19:10:00.000Z

Especially when you've been pushed into the smallest room because your brother snaffled the big room when you moved out in the first place.

I've spent the last couple of days trying to squeeze my belongings into the smallest room in the house (yes....even the bathroom is bigger than mine), last night I gave up. Got the bin bags out and started loading the car up for the charity shop.

I think there are four stages of a clear out. First, theres the stuff only fit for the bin, you throw it all out, rubbish, paper, broken bits of things, things you didn't even know existed, all in a black bag and straight to the bin.

Then theres the stuff thats too good to throw away but you definitely don't need. It all goes to the charity shop without a second thought. Its hideous, you bought it and never used it, or you just plain old don't need it any more.

Now, this is where most people get to stop. They've cleared enough space in their room to move, out with the old and theres still space for the new. But me? No chance! I had to go at least another 2 steps further.

Stage three of the clear out. Stuff you like but will never probably use again. You try to convince yourself that you will fit into those jeans again, or you will read that book again because it was so good, you wont, you never will, but you want to keep it anyway. This is where the clear out gets hard. You have to prise those shoes from your sweaty grasp into the black bag thats going to the charity shop, you paid a fortune for them and now someone is going to snap them up for 20p out of the salvation army shop. Gutting.

But then, and only then, once you've been through every belonging ruthlessly chucking stuff out and giving it to the poor children, comes stage four. You've cleared and cleared, but theres still as much stuff as when you started. All that stuff you are trying to crow bar into the box room just wont fit and you mums saying, just dump it on the floor, its not like your here for long (only all summer and holidays). Stage four is hard, hardest of them all. It takes more than a heart of steel to chuck out that bag that went with around Australia with you last summer, or that picture that Auntie Bessie (who died 10 years ago) painted for you or even just to cut down the shoe or cd collection, just so you can get into a bed at night.

Its hard, really hard, you need to go through everything again and again, convincing yourself that the dress you loved last year is just that, so last year. It gets to the stage where you're throwing things out that you haven't worn in ages, even though you still like it, just to make room for something that you love.

Fair enough, they're only material possesions, but they're MY material possesions and downsizing just doesn't seem like a good enough reason for throwing out if you ask me. And it doesn't help when your mum is holding a jacket she bought you saying "you can throw it out of you like, don't feel like you need to keep it because I bought you it." Thanks mum, I was about to till you said that with a solitary emo tear in your eye.

I'm sure stage five is still to come. But I won't ever look in those black bags again.

Never, ever look back.

Students

2006-05-29T23:54:00.000Z

Exams. Who needs them? They are a test of memory rather than of understanding. Well, thats my opinion anyway. They test your performance on a particular day without taking into account the rest of the work you've already done.

I can see the other side though, writing an essay with the books open in front of you doesn't show you understand the subject, just that you know how to do some research. I don't know what the happy medium is, but I just know I hate exams.

Exams don't make me nervous, and I usually do ok in them, but I do think they are unneccesary stress that doesn't help learning at all.

I also worry about everyone else, I try and help them, but all I really want to do is scream "Read a book!"

As you've probably guessed, I have exams tommorow. This really isn't helping my revision, but I'm not doing very well with that at the moment, just had to get that off my chest.

Oh and I hate how they have adverts for revision after Neighbours. I know I'm supposed to be revising, I don't need you Aunty Beeb reminding me that I'm not!

Sometimes I hate the world.

2006-05-22T21:28:00.000Z

But sometimes websites like post a secret make it all seem a little bit better.

It's a snail mail address (remember them?) where you can send a customised postcard declaring your secret to the world. Most people have embraced the opportunity to be artistic with their cards and made them into mini canvasses to declare their deepest darkest secrets.

Some are poignant and meaningful.

Some are pretty funny.

And some could have been written by me...

Just substitute "Until I really got into Green Day" for the words "Until I started to care (that was last year)"

But whatever their message, they are all the secret of a real person out there in the world. Everyone has a secret, and not everyone has it made. No matter how together they look.

The ever impartial BBC.

2006-05-13T13:25:00.000Z

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for the BBC, you can always rely on them to get the facts right. Their policy is to get the news right, not first. They also have a duty to the public to get it spot on. After all we are paying for it. (Well, I'm paying for neighbours and thats about it at the moment, but that's not important.)

Yeah, good old Aunty Beeb, you can always rely on her... To be bigoted and insulting! Oh yes, today people, a newsreader on BBC North West said this priceless line while talking about the Hearts v Gretna match: "There would be quite an upset if a certain team won in Glasgow today."

Now that sounds like blatant opinion to me. So much for being completley impartial. This woman (forgive me I didn't catch her name she isn't important to me) has made an assumption about the people of Glasgow, specifically football fans. Ok, they're not all saints, but the vast majority of football fans in Glasgow are a brilliant bunch. I don't follow football, but as soon as I mention that I'm from Glasgow, people assume I'm a bigoted sectarian and are appalled when I don't swear allegiance to a Glasgow team. (But with a surname like O'Neill, they make their own decision anyway, I don't have much say in the matter.)

There has obviously been some trouble in the past with Celtic and Rangers (I wasn't going to mention them, but I think it's necessary) but they're not even playing today, lets recap on who actually is. Hearts (from Edinburgh if I'm not mistaken) and Gretna, a 2nd division team? Neither are actually from anywhere near Glasgow, this match has absolutley nothing to do with Rangers or Celtic so are we to assume that this narrow minded BBC employee thinks that all football fans in Scotland are the same as the tiny minority of trouble makers that hit the headlines every couple of years? That's certainly what it sounds like.

There are racists and bigots in every walk of life and just for the record, the tartan army are actually among the most peaceful of all supporters. It's been proven in the past that the Scottish football fans, who incidentally come together to support their nation in the world cup or european league (what bigot would support alongside his mortal enemy), are being tarred with the brush of a few. And today has just given people in the North West of England more reason to believe this farce.

So good one BBC, your brilliant employees are broadcasting their bigoted opinion to the entire North West. I'm sure Gretna fans will be delighted to hear that they are terrifying the whole of England with their constant violence and sectarianism. And Hearts fans, travelling to Glasgow, where obviously they're heading to a certain fate, death by an angry mob of Glaswegian football fans gutted that their teams aren't playing today.

I know for a fact that in Glasgow today, cup final day, there are hundreds of fans in pubs watching the football, enjoying the last games of the season, who ever wins there will be celebrations, the atmosphere will be like a festival and everyone will enjoy the day for what it is.

I'm not trying to persuade you otherwise, belive what you like, be terrified of Glasgow if you like, we do sound a bit hard with our scary Trainspotting accents (yeah, that film was actually filmed in Edinburgh, but you can't tell the difference can you) and reputation as knife weilding riot causing extremists who will drink as much as they can just to get kicks from violence. Believe that, it's the stereotype that today, the BBC have reinforced. It means we can all fight each other to a bloody death and no one else will bother us.

xxx

So much for the nerds.

2006-05-10T14:17:00.000Z

Having the internet in my home ever since it started means I really should be down with the kids and have one of these crazy blog things. The internet at the start was when you had to use your telephone line and dial a local number to look at a teletext style bulletin board, remember that? No, just me then.

Anyway, I had a blog once, but it was really private, I went on there and had a rant about whatever was bothering me in my life. It was just a chance to vent really and I never actually published anything online and eventually deleted it becuse reading it back brought back many things I thought I'd forgotten about. And I didn't want to be seen as a geek who still kept a diary!

One of the reasons I never started a proper one was I thought only nerds and geeks and people with too much time on their hands kept blogs. Turns out, I'm missing something! And I hate to be missing something. There are blogs from every walk of life, of course there are nerds out there complaining that they don't have girlfriends, or even worse, a PS3, but there are some really cool and important people out there too. For example, ultragrrrl (I think thats the right number of r's) has just been voted one of the most influential people in New York because of her blogging exploits. She tells tales of her record label, the new music she's interested in and apparently, people all over the world are taking her advice and buying the records.

Other good blogs are on a much smaller scale. Quit your Day Job began as a diary of events going on within a group of friends, especially when certain members of the group moved away or went travelling. It was a great way to keep in touch. Now though, the friends are pretty much back together and the blog means that no drunken night out is safe, no more falling on the floor unnoticed or falling asleep at a party for fear of it being broadcast to the world.

So here it is, my blog. I have no idea what is coming next and I hope that keeps it interesting!

xxx

Oh, and if I ever find out how to post a link in here, I shall link you to those amazing bloggers out there.

Warrington? Where's that?

2006-05-09T11:11:00.000Z

Halfway between Liverpool and Manchester, thats the only worthy description. It's the only way to describe the junction on the motorway where you leave the M6 for either of the North West's biggest cities. It has been said that the only good thing about the "city" (Its not actually a city, it's a borough, incase you were wondering, I bet you weren't) is the road out of it.

What's that? You want to see a picture, you don't. Trust me. But here's one anyway.

See!

I have to disagree. I have to, I live there. I'm finding it hard to think of another good thing. The public transport is unreliable an irregular, there is absolutley no nightlfe, infact there's no day life either! Walking around the "town" centre (it's not a town either, its still a borough) on a Saturday afternoon is like walking around a ghost town. Actually, it's like walking around a chav ghost town, although, unfortunatley the chavs are real, they're as much ghosts as Warrington is a city!

So where are we so far? Warrington isn't a city, it's a borough, who still has boroughs? Apparently it's applying for city status, but you need to have a cathedral and a University for that. Of which Warrington has neither. It has chavs. It has no nightlife. Actually, that's not true, on a Tuesday night you can go to the imaginitvely named WA1, pay £11 and then drink as much as you can. Not as much as you like, but as much as you can manage, most people leave when it closes at 11pm and don't remember how they got home. An exciting night out in Warrington then.

That's right, I was going to talk about something good. Well, I'm here because of Uni, The University of Chester that is, remember Warrington doesn't have it's own. The people who attend this campus are amazing, they're pretty much the only reason I'm still here. The course I'm on is good, accredited and all that, not a lot of people on the course which is nice, but I wont get started on the state of the campus, or the disorganised course, or the fact that the campus is actually 20minutes drive outside the town centre.

I could go on, and on, and on. And I probably will, but that's it for now.

The Shelley x